Yesterday as I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to take me like a stranger in the night, I got to thinking, where is all the fan fiction for Jesus? So I came up with some prompts. If you write them, please tag me on Twitter or Tumblr: @cordinbleu.
- Where is the JesusXJudas betrayal fanfiction?
- What about an epic tragedy fanfiction where Noah has to leave his gay lover to drown because he hogs the remote?
- AU where Moses carves the commandments onto stone dildos.
- That seven year famine was really just because the farmers were sucking too much dick.
- Sure it’s fine if Adam fucks donkeys but Eve eats one apple and suddenly they’re homeless.
- Dr Who and his companion Jesus
- The 12 Teenage Mutant Ninja Disciples
- The parting of the Red Sea was just allegory for menstruation and gang bangs
- Burning Bush?
- It was the Romans, with the crucifix, on the hill!
- MPreg!Joseph has an affair with the innkeeper. Mary sighs and simplys fluffs the hay into a bed.
- AU where the three wise men are the three stooges. Come on, I am sure this already exists.
- “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?” Pharaoh asks.
“Oh nothing. Plague stuff.” Moses says, curling a finger through his hair.
- Wait was that Moses? Shit. I can’t remember. Just consider it a crossover.
- “Sampson, your strength is so BIG.” “And I never trim my hair either babe.” WINK.
- Jesus as a rebellious teenage who takes to hip hop to mature his powers.
- Jesus turns Israel into wine.
Okay I’m done. Please turn in your fanfics soon.
The next morning I also mentioned this gem, in relation to Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare: “I think the thing that bothers me so much about holding X to pay respects is that they’ve removed all emotion from it. “Press X, move on.” But then again, I spent a half hour tweeting fanfic prompts about Jesus, so what do I know.”