Yesterday as I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to take me like a stranger in the night, I got to thinking, where is all the fan fiction for Jesus? So I came up with some prompts. If you write them, please tag me on Twitter or Tumblr: @cordinbleu.

  • Where is the JesusXJudas betrayal fanfiction?
  • What about an epic tragedy fanfiction where Noah has to leave his gay lover to drown because he hogs the remote?
  • AU where Moses carves the commandments onto stone dildos.
  • That seven year famine was really just because the farmers were sucking too much dick.
  • Sure it’s fine if Adam fucks donkeys but Eve eats one apple and suddenly they’re homeless.
  • Dr Who and his companion Jesus
  • The 12 Teenage Mutant Ninja Disciples
  • The parting of the Red Sea was just allegory for menstruation and gang bangs
  • Burning Bush?
  • It was the Romans, with the crucifix, on the hill!
  • MPreg!Joseph has an affair with the innkeeper. Mary sighs and simplys fluffs the hay into a bed.
  • AU where the three wise men are the three stooges. Come on, I am sure this already exists.
  • “Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?” Pharaoh asks.
    “Oh nothing. Plague stuff.” Moses says, curling a finger through his hair.
  • Wait was that Moses? Shit. I can’t remember. Just consider it a crossover.
  • “Sampson, your strength is so BIG.” “And I never trim my hair either babe.” WINK.
  • Jesus as a rebellious teenage who takes to hip hop to mature his powers.
  • Jesus turns Israel into wine.

Okay I’m done. Please turn in your fanfics soon.

The next morning I also mentioned this gem, in relation to Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare: “I think the thing that bothers me so much about holding X to pay respects is that they’ve removed all emotion from it. “Press X, move on.” But then again, I spent a half hour tweeting fanfic prompts about Jesus, so what do I know.”


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